This query letter breakdown is organized into three sections: (1) the original query letter; (2) my breakdown; and (3) my first agent’s breakdown. Special thanks to my first agent, Arianna Siddiqui, for her contributions. For the purposes of this post, I’m going to use different character names and locations in brackets, but the query itself will remain the same.
Please Note: Arianna and I have parted ways (amicably), but I hope readers will find value in our breakdown.
Original QL
Here is the query letter that earned five full requests and two offers of representation:
Dear [AMAZING AGENT’S NAME],
[MY BOOK TITLE] is an LGBTQIA+ adult dark romantasy that features an exes-to-lovers romance in an academic setting similar to Rebecca Yarros’s Fourth Wing, with magical mobsters like Fonda Lee’s Green Bone Saga. It is a standalone book with series potential and is complete at 95,000 words.
Twenty two-year-old [TALIA] has spent the past four years training to enter [COOL NAME] War Academy, an institution notorious for its high death rate among students. Here, graduates are bestowed with superhuman abilities to aid in an ongoing trans-dimensional war, waged over water and gemstones in a region ravaged by drought and mineral extraction. Once accepted into [COOL NAME], [TALIA] hopes to kill the man who executed her parents for treason, a senior general on the school board. To achieve her goal, she’ll have a month to plan his assassination at the first board meeting. But if she gets caught, she’ll face execution like her parents.
The last person [TALIA] expects to encounter on the day of enrollment is her ex, [DEAGAN], a local mafia heir who would prefer to read than pick up a sword. [TALIA] hasn’t seen [DEAGAN] in two years, after they broke up over her obsession with revenge and mistrust of others. Unbeknownst to [TALIA], [DEAGAN] seeks his mother who disappeared on school grounds, jeopardizing his position in the mafia. But when fellow students begin vanishing too, [DEAGAN] strikes a deal with [TALIA]: if she helps him investigate the disappearances, he’ll help her kill the general. Should they fail to untangle the mystery, they could be next to disappear.
I’m a Scottish-Egyptian writer and [JOB TITLE] who earned my MAIS from [UNIVERSITY NAME]. I drew inspiration from my own life when shaping my main character, who is a brown-skinned, multiracial woman navigating different cultures, none of which she fully fits in. I consider myself both pansexual and sapiosexual, and my FMC mirrors this. I’ve previously been shortlisted for Revpit and selected for Futurescapes.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Tasha’s QL Breakdown
Here’s my query letter breakdown and why I think it worked:
Dear [AMAZING AGENT’S NAME],
[MY BOOK TITLE] is an LGBTQIA+ adult dark romantasy that features an exes-to-lovers romance in an academic setting similar to Rebecca Yarros’s Fourth Wing, with magical mobsters like Fonda Lee’s Green Bone Saga. It is a standalone book with series potential and is complete at 95,000 words. You’ll notice I jumped right into the meta data paragraph. No personalization. I only personalize letters when I have a genuine connection with an agent, or they specifically requested my materials. I include the age, genre, and comps in the first line. The second line mentions the word count.
Twenty two-year-old [TALIA] has spent the past four years training to enter [COOL NAME] War Academy, an institution notorious for its high death rate among students. This first sentence introduces the FMC, as well as a brief glimpse into her goals. Here, graduates are bestowed with superhuman abilities to aid in an ongoing trans-dimensional war, waged over water and gemstones in a region ravaged by drought and mineral extraction. This gives us background on the war academy, its purpose, and a pinch of worldbuilding. Once accepted into [COOL NAME ACADEMY], [TALIA] hopes to kill the man who executed her parents for treason, a senior general on the school board. Here is our FMC’s motivation: revenge. To achieve her goal, she’ll have a month to plan his assassination at the first board meeting. This tells us how she plans to achieve her vengeance. But if she gets caught, she’ll face execution like her parents. Followed by the stakes, should she fail.
Frankly, the FMC’s paragraph alone would be enough for a book, but this is a romantasy, so the next paragraph highlight’s her love interest.
The last person [TALIA] expects to encounter on the day of enrollment is her ex, [DEAGAN], a local mafia heir who would prefer to read than pick up a sword. This gives us character details about her ex, as well as implied tension. [TALIA] hasn’t seen [DEAGAN] in two years, after they broke up over her obsession with revenge and mistrust of others. This helps us envision their relationship and why it didn’t work. Unbeknownst to [TALIA], [DEAGAN] seeks his mother who disappeared on school grounds, jeopardizing his position in the mafia. Again, character goals and motivations. But when fellow students begin vanishing too, [DEAGAN] strikes a deal with [TALIA]: if she helps him investigate the disappearances, he’ll help her kill the general. Should they fail to untangle the mystery, they could be next to disappear. Finally, here are their shared stakes, should they fail.
I’m a Scottish-Egyptian writer and [JOB TITLE] who earned my MAIS from [UNIVERSITY NAME]. I drew inspiration from my own life when shaping my main character, who is a brown-skinned, multiracial woman navigating different cultures, none of which she fully fits in. I consider myself both pansexual and sapiosexual, and my FMC mirrors this. I’ve previously been shortlisted for Revpit and selected for Futurescapes. Rather than focusing on writing credentials and awards, I explain why I’m the best person to write this particular story.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Polite wrap-up.
Arianna’s QL Breakdown
Here is Arianna’s query letter breakdown and why it worked for her:
Dear [AMAZING AGENT’S NAME],
[MY BOOK TITLE] is an LGBTQIA+ adult dark romantasy that features an exes-to-lovers romance in an academic setting similar to Rebecca Yarros’s Fourth Wing, with magical mobsters like Fonda Lee’s Green Bone Saga. It is a standalone book with series potential and is complete at 95,000 words.
First of all, I’m looking for queer stories about queer characters, so when Tasha frontloaded that it was an LGBTQIA+ dark romantasy, that differentiated it from the dozens of other romantasies I see weekly.
So, these comps. We need to talk about these comps. I know some people will argue that they’re too big, that they’re too mega-bestselling to work. I disagree. The thing is, Tasha was able to identify specific aspects of these books that related to her ms, which worked well. Yeah, there was a fourth-wingesque academy/school, yes there were magical mobsters like in Green Bone. The trick is when you break a ‘rule’, you have to do it well. When it works, it works – it caught my attention immediately.
I also love the phrase “standalone book with series potential”. That shows me that there’s room to grow into a series if a publisher is interested but the author can wrap this up with one book if need be. Series are never guaranteed.
I am also a fan of putting metadata in the beginning of a query letter. I recognize some may feel differently, but to me, it helps me know what to expect and make sure it’s (word count) in line with genre expectations.
Twenty two-year-old [TALIA] has spent the past four years training to enter [COOL NAME] War Academy, an institution notorious for its high death rate among students. Here, graduates are bestowed with superhuman abilities to aid in an ongoing trans-dimensional war, waged over water and gemstones in a region ravaged by drought and mineral extraction. Once accepted into [COOL NAME], [TALIA] hopes to kill the man who executed her parents for treason, a senior general on the school board. To achieve her goal, she’ll have a month to plan his assassination at the first board meeting. But if she gets caught, she’ll face execution like her parents.
This is a really small thing but it’s so important to put the age of the characters here. Helps me orient myself on what to expect. There’s also succinct worldbuilding here with the second line. This paragraph is all about establishing goals and stakes, something that Tasha does really well!
The last person [TALIA] expects to encounter on the day of enrollment is her ex, [DEAGAN], a local mafia heir who would prefer to read than pick up a sword.
I love this line — perfectly characterizes Deagan and differentiates him from other romantasy love interests.
[TALIA] hasn’t seen [DEAGAN] in two years, after they broke up over her obsession with revenge and mistrust of others. Unbeknownst to [TALIA], [DEAGAN] seeks his mother who disappeared on school grounds, jeopardizing his position in the mafia. But when fellow students begin vanishing too, [DEAGAN] strikes a deal with [TALIA]: if she helps him investigate the disappearances, he’ll help her kill the general. Should they fail to untangle the mystery, they could be next to disappear.
Stakes, stakes, stakes! If there’s one thing you can take away from Tasha’s brilliant query letter is that the stakes have to be perfectly sized. Not too big, but definitely not too small.
I’m a Scottish-Egyptian writer and [JOB TITLE] who earned my MAIS from [UNIVERSITY NAME]. I drew inspiration from my own life when shaping my main character, who is a brown-skinned, multiracial woman navigating different cultures, none of which she fully fits in. I consider myself both pansexual and sapiosexual, and my FMC mirrors this. I’ve previously been shortlisted for Revpit and selected for Futurescapes.
Love the bio — really a cherry on top! Personal while showing off some great writing credentials.
Final Thoughts
Every query letter is different, but yours should contain the general elements listed in this post, like a meta data paragraph, a compelling blurb about the story, and your bio. My query was approximately 330 words. I hope you found this query letter breakdown useful, and feel free to contact me on Twitter/X or Bluesky if you have questions.
Tasha Livingstone 